Despair
by Mournful Storms
Summary: Face your battles with anticipation, don’t be afraid to die and fight till the last minute. Remember what you believe in, and if you must die then do so without regrets. Madarame Ikkaku-centric


I'm not entirely sure, but I think the rating will be okay as 'T'

Summary: As he fights what seems to be his last fight, Ikkaku reflects on why he loves his division so much.

Note: An alternate title idea for this story would be, _Remember the Name_

Disclaimer:**I do not own Bleach, Kubo Tite does.** Although why he does, I'm not so sure, considering I begged him so many times... On the upside, **Noguchi Motoki DOES belong to me**. HA! At least one thing in the story is mine!

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**Despair  
**By Storms

"Get ready to die." His opponent laughs, brandishing his sword boldly at Ikkaku. Ikkaku smirks at him and prepares to release his Shikai.

"I wasn't planning on it. Nobiro, Houzukimaru!" He lunges forward, determined to strike the first blow. His opponent pivots, allowing Ikkaku to fly past him, and attempts to land a blow on Ikkaku's back.

"Too slow!" Ikkaku roars as he skids backwards and waits for his opponent. "Are you worth fighting?" he asks suddenly.

"What?" his opponent is thrown off guard, surprised by the question.

"Are you worth fighting?" Ikkaku repeats stubbornly. "Are you worth my time?"

"Of course!"

"Then step it up a bit, I'll fall asleep at this rate!" Ikkaku speeds up, moving towards his opponent at an alarming rate.

He feels satisfaction as he lands the first blow, watching crimson liquid spill out of the wound. A drop lands on his face, and his zanpakuto's blade drips with blood. He ignores it, licking his lips in anticipation for the next blow.

There is a sudden change in his opponent, a spike in his reiatsu and an evil glare on his face. "I'll kill you for that."

"Madarame Ikkaku, 3rd seat in Zaraki's division." Ikkaku says suddenly.

"Why would I need to know that?"

"It's a common courtesy in our division to let the opponent know the name of the person who killed him."

"In that case, I won't need to remember your name. I'll tell you mine, though: Noguchi Motoki. Remember it well." He advances towards Ikkaku, brandishing his weapon . It is pointed directly at Ikkaku's chest.

Ikkaku takes this as a provocation, an insult to his pride. "As if pointin' it at me is going to kill me! Try and land a blow on me!" He deliberately provokes Noguchi, waiting for a response.

As an answer, Noguchi slashed him across the face. Ikkaku yelps in surprise, blood dripping from a diagonal cut right across his face.

"I'm faster than you think." Noguchi smirks. "I'm not fighting at my limit, and neither are you. Let's fight at our full capacities."

"Sure." Ikkaku agrees easily, despite the blood running into his eye and trickling into his mouth. It gives him an adrenaline rush, a sudden bloodlust and desire to repay his opponent tenfold. "Bankai!"

He forces his reiatsu into the zanpakuto, and is rewarded with his Bankai. "Ryuumon Houzukimaru!"

As the fight progresses, Ikkaku is suddenly reminded of the day Zaraki-taichou was told to give a speech to his division in hopes of calming it down.

_"Er…I'm not really one for speeches." Zaraki said, a half-serious look on his face. "Frankly, I don't want to make you guys listen to a whole bunch of crap about morals, and not being afraid, and trusting each other. That's bullshit. If you're strong, stay here. If you're not, go join the Fourth division. Don't despair over a loss: be glad that you're alive and become stronger, then beat the bastard that beat you. I don't care if you're scared; face your fears and overcome them. Use them to become stronger. Trust each other? I sure as hell don't trust you idiots, and I won't until you're strong enough to hold your own in a good fight. And morals? I only got a few things I stick to, and they're the only things I want you guys to do: Don't pick a fight just because you want to win. Be prepared to die in battle, and if some bugger gets the better of you, ask for his name. If you win, tell him your name, because if I died I'd sure as hell want to know the name of the person that beat me."_

Ikkaku remembers that he came to the Eleventh Division to seek out Zaraki-taichou, to beat him because he beat Ikkaku. He remembers challenging him again, and being beaten again. Ikkaku also remembers going out for sake and getting drunk with his captain before picking another fight. He smiles as he draws more blood from his opponent. Good times.

"What are you spacing out about?" Noguchi yells, thrusting his weapon deep into Ikkaku's gut.

Ikkaku coughs up blood, and struggles to stand again. He wipes the blood from his face impatiently, despite the fact that none of his wounds have stopped bleeding at all. Ikkaku knows he may die in this fight, and he prepares himself for it. A steely determination fills his eyes, and he addresses his opponent with a voice full of power.

"If I'm going down, I'm sure as hell not going without a fight, an' I'll drag you to Hell with me!"

He gets another few hits in before Noguchi slashes him across the chest. Even with the dark fabric of his Shihakusho, the bloodstains are obvious. Ikkaku's legs give out under him, and he falls to the ground.

"Shit!" Ikkaku curses loudly, trying and failing to get his body to respond.

"Face it: you have lost." Noguchi stares down at him impassively, and Ikkaku is filled with a blinding rage. He lets his Bankai die, opting instead for his staff-like Shikai. Summoning a final bit of strength, he reaches out, stabbing Noguchi in the leg, and takes satisfaction in the fact that the blade protrudes from the other side.

"What the hell – you bastard!" Noguchi growls, kicking Ikkaku in his ribs. Ikkaku is sure that he now has a few broken ones, and he coughs up some more blood before managing a smile.

"I told you I wasn't going down without a fight."

The adrenaline has died down, and Ikkaku feels his wounds acutely. The dirt and grime from the street stings the open cuts, and without proper treatment Ikkaku knows they will fester.

He laughs at himself. He's going to die anyway, so why care about that? A peaceful acceptance fills him, and he knows that Zaraki-taichou would be proud. He finds a grim humor in the fact that Zaraki-taichou would also be cursing him later for dying, and he'd say something along the lines of 'I wish he was still alive so I could kill him again for dying!'

As a last thought, Ikkaku grabs his zanpakuto and holds it tightly in his hand, knowing that to die without a weapon is disgraceful. He is a little sad that he didn't have any sake, but that was okay. It wasn't very important. He feels his strength ebbing, but his mind is strangely clear.

He is very glad that Noguchi Motoki told him his name.


End file.
